I met my dual in middle school. I am the ENFP and he is my ISTP. Even though it was so long ago, I can still remember that first time I've ever laid eyes on him and I just thought--godamn that is one sexy boy. We weren't friends until we got to high school when we started going out.
We went out for five years (on and off) and lived through so much high school drama. Looking back, before I knew about socionics, I thought that it was strange that my ISTP and I were able to stay together for so long considering how curious we both were. Drama, Drama, Drama...ah the days of high school. In our fifth year of dating we decided to call it quits, because the long distance thing was too much to bear on top of the both of us yearning for new and exciting experiences. Unfourtunately we called it quits on bad terms and we didn't speak for a long time. I was ready to give up on my high school sweet heart and move on to find my true love. Doing all the research I could, I eventually came across socionics and who would have thought my ISTP would turn out to be my dual.
It felt like an out of body experience.
I am so lucky. Of all the boys and of all the girls we each could have dated back then...this stuff is amazing.
After so long of not speaking we came back together as though no time had passed. At first I approached talking to him with caution. Before we had went our separate ways I didn't know much about his personality and after reading all about that ISTP--I was nervous to say the least. They don't exactly have the best relationship profiles--not to mention I had lived through some pretty emotionally traumatic occasions...and that's that. We talked for hours and in what felt like no time at all we were right back where we were in those first few days we dated when we were little kids in high school, except this time it was better.
The comfortablity does not go away nor does that good ole' lovin' :] . Jesus! What a hunk of man my ISTP is.
He is tall and manly. He's silent, but outgoing at the same time. He won't say much about himself, but knows how to keep a converstaion going about many other different topics. He stands and demands respect from others, which is what I think I am impressed by the most. Not only does his respect transcend through himself, but everyone around me respects me more because of how well he treats me. I appreciate that. As an ENFP, I feel as though I come off as being a ditz or being stupid on the exterior. I also don't feel the need to explain myself to others--what I do is what I do and I don't care what anyone else has to say about it. My ISTP helps me to calm myself at times always being honest and straight forward about realities of situations. He grounds me and I build him wings <3.
I'm in love with my ISTP and I can't wait till the rest of our lives. Learning about my dual at such a young age, I feel very happy and excited to see what else life has to throw at me.
I was doing another round of looking through new personality combo descriptions and I found this old post that I put here back in 2009. 7 years later, we're about to hit our 13 year anniversary. We broke up for a year in college and when we got back together ie was much like one of the descriptions below of just having that spark and getting back together. We're older now--so that puppy love is more stable and we're different. Of course we're in love, but it feels rooted and less fragile.
In response to the older ENFP below, I would say that sometimes I do feel like we don't have much in common, but during those times we will take some time apart and experience life separately. I find that when we come back together we're refreshed.
I'm not saying its not a challenge, but I will often encourage (or fight) with my ISTP to be more emotionally available to me, or bring certain things to his attention about my needs. Speak up, or shut up is how I have to be with my ISTP.
We're engaged to be married now. It's def a new chapter. I can't wait to see what's to come :)
I still feel giddy being with him and I'm very excited to see what the future holds for us.
Hey! Weirdly forgotten that I had done the first and second posts...but while I'm back here, I mind as well update ya'll. Same ENFP here and I was searching for other long Term ENFP and ISTPs. I think I'm finally at the stage of my fellow ENFP below. I'm not as "done" as she is, but 17 years together (3 years married)--and thinking about kids--I guess I'm really starting to see what a future of living in "parallels" can mean.
I guess I didn't mind the idea so much as us living as individuals, but the idea of being a family and not being on the same page with our values and interests is really starting to bother me.
I have my go-to people to discuss my emotional development and observations. I'll sometimes share with my ISTP who indulges me, and even finds some of it interesting in a shallow sense. The fact that he doesn't find the information useful or incorporate it into bettering his life and himself is starting to bug me.
On the other hand, I feel guilt for not putting effort into the physical realm of life. I don't mind letting him run off into the wilderness on his free time to dive into death defying hikes and activities while I await his return and live vicariously through his photos and stories. I don't wanna die as I am tragically clumsy. (Lately, though, I've been going on baby hikes and more walks.)
If we expand our family, what are the benefits of duality? Will children feel the effects of your dual-ness? Or simply see two opposites that bicker a lot to reach the same page and live independently?
Not to mention, will we always be parallel? Will we ever be able to share interests and be on the same page right away without a long ass convo?!??
For those of you out there in the midst of your dual relationships, I must say, that his influence on me has really been something I've been really grateful for. I'm a much more balanced ENFP for it. Able to get through the reality and nitty gritty of life that I'd naturally ignore.
But for now, I want to know how we can continue to do better and be better together. What's all the challenge for and will that giddy wonderful feeling from the beginning come back again? I'm committed to my dual, so I have confidence we'll work on this and get through it, but how that will look? Only time will tell.
I'll likely stumble upon these posts again and be able to put an update.
Love you all and be well in your relationship and dual endeavors! <3
Being an older ENFP and being with my ISTP partner for 15 years, I once shared the enthusiasm of the youthful ENFP newly in love with her ISTP man. In fact, that zeal and optimism is what carried me through the years blindly and helped me to invalidate myself as I focused on making light of my own needs that were not met by my ISTP partner. We are opposites when it comes to all areas of emotional and physical intimacy. We do make excellent partners in the day to day functions and child rearing, but the relationship itself is empty. My ISTP partner admits to living vicariously through me and my emotions. I did not want to accept the shallow reality that was his and always wanted more, something deeper from him that I felt he was holding back. I was dead wrong...what he has he holds only and does not value giving or sharing himself in any way that an ENFP like me considers authentic or vulnerable. I was attracted to his calm stoic manly stereotype, but never imagined anyone really was rock solid and lacked intuition and the desire to bond with their partner. The relationship feels business like to me, and just fine to him, ironically. I yearn for a partner that is not content to lead parallel lives, but have accepted that true intimacy is not possible between me and my ISTP partner. I feel that only another feeling type personality would share and understand my desire for true intimacy.
I don't know if you're still out there or if you'll ever stumble upon this post again fellow ENFP. But, Let us know how and if you and your 15 year ISTP overcame this!!
Both of these posts are very interesting to me. I have recently connected with my ex-fiance of 16 years ago. We were college age when we were together. We had the ideal relationship. He offered the solid/realistic/serious grounding to my opportunistic/imaginary/silly side and we were VERY in love with each other, which never tired. Everything seemed to be an adventure and sex was perfect. We openly gave each other what we needed to feel whole. I offered him new outward experiences, the lighter side, and further psychological introspection and he gave me inward experiences, the darker (realistic) side, and further analytical introspection. We grew apart because I could not see settling down at that point and wanted to experience more - a trait inherent in ENFPs.
We met back up a month ago as he moved back to our hometown. We met for dinner and *BAM*, it was just as we were 16 years ago. Talking about our opinions and feelings openly; enjoying each other's different perspectives; enjoying what didn't need to be said, but was understood; bathing in the light of our undeniable physical and sensual attraction for one another that eventually lead to the great intimacy that we shared in our younger years.
Needless to say, we have now estranging ourselves to one another, because that experience was too intense. We found ourselves, because of the pains from our pasts, closing each other off. Now, we are both extremely aware of our attraction, but both confused on where to take it from here. I think we both are agreeing to step back and take a break. This dual relationship is VERY intense when you "click". It is as if we are one whole person. Not sure if that is healthy though. I believe if we had met at a different time, we could make it work, but unfortunately we both ended relationships last year that have left us very wounded. Oh well...we will see.
I have exactly what you are describing. I'm an ISTP and he is an ENFP. We feel like we're whole together and are also each other's best friends. I hope you two end up together. I believe we have what most people are looking for and I hope you two come together flawlessly and end up as happy as my now husband and I are! Good luck!
My ISTP and I found each other in 2014 when he friend requested me on fb. Not being a Facebook kind of guy, i knew as soon as I accepted his request it was on! We knew each other from working together over 20 years ago after college (also realized we both worked for a large grocery chain in the same Department while in college). We hung around the same groups of people and were a bit leary of each other, but I was really weak for him. Over the 20 years, he was married, then i married, he divorced, i divorced, he married again, i floundered for years. But I always "checked in" never thinking he liked me the same. Again, it was a VERY strange dynamic, but I guess we always sensed the attraction. Neither of us knowing. I was too shy to show it and he was too stoic to show it. Anyway, from that very fateful November 2014 first date, we were inseparable. I don't mean the unhealthy kind, i mean, 'how did our lives even exist before each other'. Sigh! I praise the universe every day that it has given me him and I'm sure he feels the same. We married July of this year <3. We are total bffs. It is not without it's challenges, but we try to show up for each other the best we can and that makes all the differece. It really is true love. You just know. It run deep and all encompassing. It's difficult to express in words.
My ISTP and I found each other in 2014 when he friend requested me on fb. Not being a Facebook kind of guy, i knew as soon as I accepted his request it was on! We knew each other from working together over 20 years ago after college (also realized we both worked for a large grocery chain in the same Department while in college). We hung around the same groups of people and were a bit leary of each other, but I was really weak for him. Over the 20 years, he was married, then i married, he divorced, i divorced, he married again, i floundered for years. But I always "checked in" never thinking he liked me the same. Again, it was a VERY strange dynamic, but I guess we always sensed the attraction. Neither of us knowing. I was too shy to show it and he was too stoic to show it. I left our workplace in 2001 and never saw him again and when his name did come up, I pined. From that very fateful October 2014 friend request, we were inseparable. I don't mean the unhealthy kind, i mean, 'how did our lives even exist before each other'. It's hard to believe the chemistry we share. Sigh! I praise the universe every day that it has given me him and I'm sure he feels the same. We married July of this year <3. We are total bffs. It is not without it's challenges, but we try to show up for each other the best we can and that makes all the differece. It really is true love. You just know. It runs deep and all encompassing. It's difficult to express in words, but we are lucky!
I stumbled upon this blog & I found this post very interesting & helpful. I'm an enfp male. I find that I couldn't connect at nearly any emotional connection, well any sort of if I'm being frank, with this particular ist? I was getting to know however I tried. We shared common interest & even those that weren't, I found interesting, but I always found myself ending up explaining my thoughts & actions so that she would understand where I was coming from, so she wouldn't misinterpret or miscommunicate with her, all the why's & reasons, did this for years, it was exhausting, I found myself mentally drained often. She on the other hand would never do anything of the sort, it seemed like my feelings were just unimportant. She'd give advice occasionally on how improve my emotional state & feelings, lol, in the end I just said goodbye, recently I wished her all the best & happiness in life, she replied accordingly, said that she was wrong,& an idiot, that she was wrong in the way she communicated with me, for disregarding & not being sensitive enough or considerate towards how I felt. I didn't know how to respond, I just wished her a happy life again & that she finds her happiness, at times I still wish that it had worked out between us, but maybe there's a good reason it didn't.
I met my dual in middle school. I am the ENFP and he is my ISTP. Even though it was so long ago, I can still remember that first time I've ever laid eyes on him and I just thought--godamn that is one sexy boy. We weren't friends until we got to high school when we started going out.
ReplyDeleteWe went out for five years (on and off) and lived through so much high school drama. Looking back, before I knew about socionics, I thought that it was strange that my ISTP and I were able to stay together for so long considering how curious we both were. Drama, Drama, Drama...ah the days of high school. In our fifth year of dating we decided to call it quits, because the long distance thing was too much to bear on top of the both of us yearning for new and exciting experiences. Unfourtunately we called it quits on bad terms and we didn't speak for a long time. I was ready to give up on my high school sweet heart and move on to find my true love. Doing all the research I could, I eventually came across socionics and who would have thought my ISTP would turn out to be my dual.
It felt like an out of body experience.
I am so lucky. Of all the boys and of all the girls we each could have dated back then...this stuff is amazing.
After so long of not speaking we came back together as though no time had passed. At first I approached talking to him with caution. Before we had went our separate ways I didn't know much about his personality and after reading all about that ISTP--I was nervous to say the least. They don't exactly have the best relationship profiles--not to mention I had lived through some pretty emotionally traumatic occasions...and that's that. We talked for hours and in what felt like no time at all we were right back where we were in those first few days we dated when we were little kids in high school, except this time it was better.
The comfortablity does not go away nor does that good ole' lovin' :] . Jesus! What a hunk of man my ISTP is.
He is tall and manly. He's silent, but outgoing at the same time. He won't say much about himself, but knows how to keep a converstaion going about many other different topics. He stands and demands respect from others, which is what I think I am impressed by the most. Not only does his respect transcend through himself, but everyone around me respects me more because of how well he treats me. I appreciate that. As an ENFP, I feel as though I come off as being a ditz or being stupid on the exterior. I also don't feel the need to explain myself to others--what I do is what I do and I don't care what anyone else has to say about it. My ISTP helps me to calm myself at times always being honest and straight forward about realities of situations. He grounds me and I build him wings <3.
I'm in love with my ISTP and I can't wait till the rest of our lives. Learning about my dual at such a young age, I feel very happy and excited to see what else life has to throw at me.
I was doing another round of looking through new personality combo descriptions and I found this old post that I put here back in 2009. 7 years later, we're about to hit our 13 year anniversary. We broke up for a year in college and when we got back together ie was much like one of the descriptions below of just having that spark and getting back together. We're older now--so that puppy love is more stable and we're different. Of course we're in love, but it feels rooted and less fragile.
DeleteIn response to the older ENFP below, I would say that sometimes I do feel like we don't have much in common, but during those times we will take some time apart and experience life separately. I find that when we come back together we're refreshed.
I'm not saying its not a challenge, but I will often encourage (or fight) with my ISTP to be more emotionally available to me, or bring certain things to his attention about my needs. Speak up, or shut up is how I have to be with my ISTP.
We're engaged to be married now. It's def a new chapter. I can't wait to see what's to come :)
I still feel giddy being with him and I'm very excited to see what the future holds for us.
Hey! Weirdly forgotten that I had done the first and second posts...but while I'm back here, I mind as well update ya'll. Same ENFP here and I was searching for other long Term ENFP and ISTPs. I think I'm finally at the stage of my fellow ENFP below. I'm not as "done" as she is, but 17 years together (3 years married)--and thinking about kids--I guess I'm really starting to see what a future of living in "parallels" can mean.
DeleteI guess I didn't mind the idea so much as us living as individuals, but the idea of being a family and not being on the same page with our values and interests is really starting to bother me.
I have my go-to people to discuss my emotional development and observations. I'll sometimes share with my ISTP who indulges me, and even finds some of it interesting in a shallow sense. The fact that he doesn't find the information useful or incorporate it into bettering his life and himself is starting to bug me.
On the other hand, I feel guilt for not putting effort into the physical realm of life. I don't mind letting him run off into the wilderness on his free time to dive into death defying hikes and activities while I await his return and live vicariously through his photos and stories. I don't wanna die as I am tragically clumsy. (Lately, though, I've been going on baby hikes and more walks.)
If we expand our family, what are the benefits of duality? Will children feel the effects of your dual-ness? Or simply see two opposites that bicker a lot to reach the same page and live independently?
Not to mention, will we always be parallel? Will we ever be able to share interests and be on the same page right away without a long ass convo?!??
For those of you out there in the midst of your dual relationships, I must say, that his influence on me has really been something I've been really grateful for. I'm a much more balanced ENFP for it. Able to get through the reality and nitty gritty of life that I'd naturally ignore.
But for now, I want to know how we can continue to do better and be better together. What's all the challenge for and will that giddy wonderful feeling from the beginning come back again? I'm committed to my dual, so I have confidence we'll work on this and get through it, but how that will look? Only time will tell.
I'll likely stumble upon these posts again and be able to put an update.
Love you all and be well in your relationship and dual endeavors! <3
Being an older ENFP and being with my ISTP partner for 15 years, I once shared the enthusiasm of the youthful ENFP newly in love with her ISTP man. In fact, that zeal and optimism is what carried me through the years blindly and helped me to invalidate myself as I focused on making light of my own needs that were not met by my ISTP partner. We are opposites when it comes to all areas of emotional and physical intimacy. We do make excellent partners in the day to day functions and child rearing, but the relationship itself is empty. My ISTP partner admits to living vicariously through me and my emotions. I did not want to accept the shallow reality that was his and always wanted more, something deeper from him that I felt he was holding back. I was dead wrong...what he has he holds only and does not value giving or sharing himself in any way that an ENFP like me considers authentic or vulnerable. I was attracted to his calm stoic manly stereotype, but never imagined anyone really was rock solid and lacked intuition and the desire to bond with their partner. The relationship feels business like to me, and just fine to him, ironically. I yearn for a partner that is not content to lead parallel lives, but have accepted that true intimacy is not possible between me and my ISTP partner. I feel that only another feeling type personality would share and understand my desire for true intimacy.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if you're still out there or if you'll ever stumble upon this post again fellow ENFP. But, Let us know how and if you and your 15 year ISTP overcame this!!
Deleteget an isfp they are warmer
ReplyDeleteor as istp with a more developed feeling side :)))
ReplyDeleteor retype yourself and your partner...
ReplyDeleteBoth of these posts are very interesting to me. I have recently connected with my ex-fiance of 16 years ago. We were college age when we were together. We had the ideal relationship. He offered the solid/realistic/serious grounding to my opportunistic/imaginary/silly side and we were VERY in love with each other, which never tired. Everything seemed to be an adventure and sex was perfect. We openly gave each other what we needed to feel whole. I offered him new outward experiences, the lighter side, and further psychological introspection and he gave me inward experiences, the darker (realistic) side, and further analytical introspection. We grew apart because I could not see settling down at that point and wanted to experience more - a trait inherent in ENFPs.
ReplyDeleteWe met back up a month ago as he moved back to our hometown. We met for dinner and *BAM*, it was just as we were 16 years ago. Talking about our opinions and feelings openly; enjoying each other's different perspectives; enjoying what didn't need to be said, but was understood; bathing in the light of our undeniable physical and sensual attraction for one another that eventually lead to the great intimacy that we shared in our younger years.
Needless to say, we have now estranging ourselves to one another, because that experience was too intense. We found ourselves, because of the pains from our pasts, closing each other off. Now, we are both extremely aware of our attraction, but both confused on where to take it from here. I think we both are agreeing to step back and take a break. This dual relationship is VERY intense when you "click". It is as if we are one whole person. Not sure if that is healthy though. I believe if we had met at a different time, we could make it work, but unfortunately we both ended relationships last year that have left us very wounded. Oh well...we will see.
I have exactly what you are describing. I'm an ISTP and he is an ENFP. We feel like we're whole together and are also each other's best friends. I hope you two end up together. I believe we have what most people are looking for and I hope you two come together flawlessly and end up as happy as my now husband and I are! Good luck!
DeleteMy ISTP and I found each other in 2014 when he friend requested me on fb. Not being a Facebook kind of guy, i knew as soon as I accepted his request it was on! We knew each other from working together over 20 years ago after college (also realized we both worked for a large grocery chain in the same Department while in college). We hung around the same groups of people and were a bit leary of each other, but I was really weak for him. Over the 20 years, he was married, then i married, he divorced, i divorced, he married again, i floundered for years. But I always "checked in" never thinking he liked me the same. Again, it was a VERY strange dynamic, but I guess we always sensed the attraction. Neither of us knowing. I was too shy to show it and he was too stoic to show it. Anyway, from that very fateful November 2014 first date, we were inseparable. I don't mean the unhealthy kind, i mean, 'how did our lives even exist before each other'. Sigh! I praise the universe every day that it has given me him and I'm sure he feels the same. We married July of this year <3. We are total bffs. It is not without it's challenges, but we try to show up for each other the best we can and that makes all the differece. It really is true love. You just know. It run deep and all encompassing. It's difficult to express in words.
ReplyDeleteMy ISTP and I found each other in 2014 when he friend requested me on fb. Not being a Facebook kind of guy, i knew as soon as I accepted his request it was on! We knew each other from working together over 20 years ago after college (also realized we both worked for a large grocery chain in the same Department while in college). We hung around the same groups of people and were a bit leary of each other, but I was really weak for him. Over the 20 years, he was married, then i married, he divorced, i divorced, he married again, i floundered for years. But I always "checked in" never thinking he liked me the same. Again, it was a VERY strange dynamic, but I guess we always sensed the attraction. Neither of us knowing. I was too shy to show it and he was too stoic to show it. I left our workplace in 2001 and never saw him again and when his name did come up, I pined. From that very fateful October 2014 friend request, we were inseparable. I don't mean the unhealthy kind, i mean, 'how did our lives even exist before each other'. It's hard to believe the chemistry we share. Sigh! I praise the universe every day that it has given me him and I'm sure he feels the same. We married July of this year <3. We are total bffs. It is not without it's challenges, but we try to show up for each other the best we can and that makes all the differece. It really is true love. You just know. It runs deep and all encompassing. It's difficult to express in words, but we are lucky!
ReplyDeleteI stumbled upon this blog & I found this post very interesting & helpful. I'm an enfp male. I find that I couldn't connect at nearly any emotional connection, well any sort of if I'm being frank, with this particular ist? I was getting to know however I tried. We shared common interest & even those that weren't, I found interesting, but I always found myself ending up explaining my thoughts & actions so that she would understand where I was coming from, so she wouldn't misinterpret or miscommunicate with her, all the why's & reasons, did this for years, it was exhausting, I found myself mentally drained often. She on the other hand would never do anything of the sort, it seemed like my feelings were just unimportant. She'd give advice occasionally on how improve my emotional state & feelings, lol, in the end I just said goodbye, recently I wished her all the best & happiness in life, she replied accordingly, said that she was wrong,& an idiot, that she was wrong in the way she communicated with me, for disregarding & not being sensitive enough or considerate towards how I felt. I didn't know how to respond, I just wished her a happy life again & that she finds her happiness, at times I still wish that it had worked out between us, but maybe there's a good reason it didn't.
ReplyDelete